There are few actions that can invoke such strong emotions as a betrayal. It matters not if you are three, thirteen, thirty or sixty, a betrayal strikes the betrayed where it hurts the most, and no, I’m not referring to the heart. If it were the heart, it would be so much easier to recover.
Have you ever been betrayed? Do you know how it feels? No? Then allow me to give you just a little taste. It’s as though all your senses are heightened, and not in a good way. Almost simultaneously you can literally feel your pupils dilating, the sound of your heart thumping in your ears, you can almost smell the fear, the blood rushes to your head at the same time as the blood drains away from your face, the sudden contraction of muscles as if you have just been punched hard in the stomach and the shock at having been completely blind sided hits you – everywhere. You want to bend over and vomit. Just where you are because your legs refuse to move.
It’s a feeling that is hard to describe, words don’t seem adequate. And when you need them the most, they seem to escape you. Your mouth is dry, you are at a loss for words and you are unable to defend yourself. But the questions in your head don’t stop. Where did this come from? Why you? What caused this? How long has this been going on? But mostly your mind wants to know who! Sometimes, the who seems rather obvious – now. And then more questions. How did you not see that coming? Why did nobody warn you? Don’t you have friends? And all you want is for the questions and noises in your head to stop, to go away.
The days and weeks after a betrayal go by in slow motion. You feel numb, almost paralyzed and although you feel like crying, you can’t. You battle to get out of bed. How do you face your betrayer every day? Worse, how do you face the pitying looks on everyone else’s faces? All that you want is to shut out the world. To be left alone. Perhaps it’s better to call in sick, for one more day. It’s difficult to focus, to concentrate. Everything is a bit of a blur, everything is exceptionally hard to do, you remember nothing,
The resilient can recover; they move through the stages of shock, disbelief and anger. Some may mourn and grieve what was lost. But they recover, the betrayal becomes a lesson learnt and they can go on to do bigger and better things. For some, there is redemption and they get to see the wheel turn. Do they find satisfaction in this? Perhaps. For others, this is the start of a downward spiral from which they never recover. They descend into hopelessness, depression and the end of their lives as they once knew it. Every now and then, it does end in the loss of a life. A very sobering thought.
This Easter weekend, my thoughts turn to the biggest betrayal of them all. When Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus Christ with a kiss, it was for thirty pieces of silver. And it did lead to the loss of a life. But also the promise of eternal life for all. To those who believe, have a blessed Easter!
Until next time ☕️